The Uncommon Leader Podcast

From Timid to Triumphant: Fred Joyal's 90-Day Blueprint for Bold Leadership

• John Gallagher

Share episode

What if you could transform from a shy introvert to a charismatic leader in just 90 days? Join us on the Uncommon Leader Podcast as we welcome Fred Joyle, the incredible author of "Super Bold: From Underconfident to Charismatic in 90 Days." In this episode, Fred opens up about his personal journey from being a timid kid to becoming a bold entrepreneur and explains how a simple dishwashing job at age 14 set the stage for lifelong friendships and business success.

Discover how taking bold actions can build the confidence you never thought you had. I share an unforgettable experience from Necker Island, where a bold move led to a week-long connection with Sir Richard Branson. Fred and I delve into the essence of boldness, emphasizing that stepping out of your comfort zone can lead to unexpected and rewarding interactions. Learn to embrace the unexpected and create opportunities you would otherwise miss.

Fred also introduces his PRIDE method—Preparation, Relaxation, Insights, and more—providing a systematic approach to developing boldness. We discuss practical tips on managing anxiety, especially before public speaking, and how handling unexpected moments with grace can endear you to any audience. As we wrap up, we encourage you to share these insights, leave a rating, and help expand our uncommon leadership community. Until next time, go and grow champions!

Thanks for listening in to the Uncommon Leader Podcast. Please take just a minute to share this podcast with that someone you know that you thought of when you heard this episode. One of the most valuable things you can do is to rate the podcast and leave a review. You can do that on Apple podcasts, or rate the podcast on Spotify or any other platform you listen.

Did you know that many of the things that I discuss on the Uncommon Leader Podcast are subjects that I coach other leaders and organizations ? If you would be interested in having me discuss 1:1 or group coaching with you, or know someone who is looking to move from Underperforming to Uncommon in their business or life, I would love to chat with you. Click this link to set up a FREE CALL to discuss how coaching might benefit you and your team)

Until next time, Go and Grow Champions!!

Connect with me

Speaker 1:

And I want people to know that life is short and it's too short to let other people decide what you're capable of or to blame other people for your unhappiness, or to think you're going to get to your dreams tomorrow or the next day or when you have more time. Seize the moments. Don't just seize the day. Seize the moment.

Speaker 2:

Hey Uncommon Leaders, welcome back. This is the Uncommon Leader Podcast. I'm your host, john Gallagher. Today I've got Fred Joyle on the show. Fred's not just an author and keynote speaker. He's the brains behind the book Super Bold from underconfident to charismatic in 90 days. In this episode, fred opens up about his transformative journey from being a shy, introverted kid to becoming a bold and successful entrepreneur. You'll hear some fascinating stories, including an amazing encounter with Sir Richard Branson. We dive deep into the concept of boldness, why it's so crucial, how to cultivate it and the actionable strategies Fred outlines in his Pride Method. Whether it's handling rejection, making the most of opportunities or turning your fears into stepping stones, fred provides a comprehensive framework to living boldly and without regrets. So let's get started, fred Joel, welcome to the Uncommon Leader Podcast. It's going to be a great time to have you on the show. How are you doing today? You know?

Speaker 1:

just really having a tremendous day already, so really excited about this conversation.

Speaker 2:

Brett, I'm going to have a great time and I'm looking forward to chatting with you about boldness. But before we get into that discussion about your book and how you can help folks in that space, I want to talk to you about the same question that I always ask my first time guests on the show, and that's to tell me a story from your childhood that still impacts, if you will, who you are today, as a person or as a leader.

Speaker 1:

So I was quite shy as a young person. I was quite shy as a young person. Uh, I had skipped the second grade and that sort of made me smaller and younger in every class, and so that made me much more introverted. Uh, but there was one day I'm 14 years old and I'm sitting in the local boys club where we had a pool hall and a gym and stuff like that, and this guy comes bursting through the door and he's looking for somebody and he's and, and that person's not there. Some other kid is not there and he says he was supposed to be washing dishes for me tonight. Where the heck is he? Um, and from the corner of the room I said I'll work now.

Speaker 1:

It was more like I'll work you know because how young I was. And he says who said that? And? And I, and I said me. And he said come with me. He takes me outside, we jump into his convertible catalog, we drive to his restaurant and I work a 10 hour shift washing dishes. I call home and tell my dad I got a job and I'm working. He said great, Uh.

Speaker 1:

So that job and that relationship, the, the owner's son, became one of my best friends in life. Um became one of my best friends in life. He eventually became one of my partners in the 800 dentist business and now one of his sons is in a business that I've invested in and his sons are like my kids, they're like my nephew, all from just saying yes, saying I'll work. So we all look at it and we laugh and say, from that moment of speaking up, an endless stream of abundant joy and opportunity and success flowed from that. I mean, I worked for that guy through college. I was a dishwasher, then a waiter, then a bartender in each of his restaurants.

Speaker 2:

All because you're hanging out at a pool hall and you just said yes, as you walked through. It wasn't even about you. I love that. That is boldness, no doubt about it, in terms of understanding, and I know we're going to get a chance to chat about it, fred. That that is boldness, no doubt about it, in terms of understanding, and I know we're going to get a chance to chat about it, fred. Your book's over your shoulder there Super Bold, from Underconfident to Charismatic in 90 Days, and you're also a keynote speaker that you get to share this message on stages on a regular basis as well. Give me a synopsis. Who did you write this book for? Who do you talk to when you're talking about being super bold?

Speaker 1:

I think most people end up stacking regrets in life, and so my goal is to help as many people as possible stack as few regrets as possible, and that just means you have to take bold action, because life is short, life goes zooming by and you you can't just blame other people for your unhappiness or for your lack of opportunity. You have to create it, and that means you have to be uncomfortable. So it's really for anyone who wants to be able to chase their dreams and stop watching the clock run out.

Speaker 2:

When you think about that group and you chat with them, fred, I'm sure you hear all kinds of stories as you get opportunities to talk to folks. I don't know that I'd consider myself a shy person, but I'd also don't know if I consider myself a bold person as well. The fact that we put each put ourselves in front of cameras and on podcasts, that's, that's the first step in a in a good direction from that standpoint in terms of getting what you want. But what are the excuses? What are the things that you hear from individuals that say I'm just not bold?

Speaker 1:

Yeah Well, see, we all have what I call situational confidence. There's certain situations where we feel confident and we take action, but then we hesitate the most when it matters the most, and it's because we're afraid of failing, we're afraid of being embarrassed, we're afraid of standing out. This has all been programmed into us. Don't be a show off, don't draw attention to yourself, don't be a loser. Think about how we grade people in school an F, a failure. It takes so long to embrace failure as the only way to learn anything. It's just because it's programmed as a negative thing rather than a learning experience.

Speaker 1:

And you know we, we don't want to to draw attention to ourselves. That makes us feel unworthy or unimportant, or insignificant. Bold people don't worry about that. They're chasing their dreams and so they don't stop themselves. If you ask people what's holding them back, they get a litany of things. Holding them back it's the economy, it's my education, it's my parent, it's my neighborhood. It's my parent, it's my neighborhood, it's my ethnicity, it's my gender. What's holding them back is them. They're the ones stopping themselves 90% of the time, and bold people are never the ones to stop themselves.

Speaker 2:

Well, you mentioned many of those fears. I think we read about what they are a feel of failure, a feel of stepping out and things like that. And inside your book you talk about handling rejection and this guy named Dr no. Who is Dr no?

Speaker 1:

And this is the way human beings are is we would much rather avoid a negative feeling than experience a positive one. We're protecting ourselves from those feelings, and Dr no is really good at coming up with the worst case scenario, but terrible at calculating the odds of it happening. So that's how we move through life listening to this voice that's protecting us. Maybe it protected us when we were children or teenagers, but it's holding us back now and the clock is running.

Speaker 2:

Brady, you touched on it and I think about you know we have shared coaches in Brand Builders Group and one of the quotes we always hear is your most powerfully positioned to help the person that you used to be. You shared that story at the start about being 14 years old. You know how do you handle rejection today differently than you did before? How are you more bold? Where did you really learn that?

Speaker 1:

You know, I watched bold people and I just wondered why the heck they were that way. Why aren't they processing rejection the way I would? Why aren't they hesitating like I do? And I just realized that they're not confident when they act. They just act and people think well, if I were more confident, that I would take certain bold actions. But bold people know that the way you build your confidence is by taking bold actions when you're not confident, when you're uncomfortable. And so I said I guess I just have to be uncomfortable. And what happens is your comfort zone gets bigger and bigger and bigger, to the point where you you're super bold, which is you never miss opportunities. You're never the one stopping you, and you're bold when it matters the most. Because there'll be times in your life it may be one, two, four or five times in your life where you need to speak up or you need to step up or you need to take action, and that window will close if you don't, and the rest of your life will be very different I think you're.

Speaker 2:

You're spot on. I think I mean there's probably a couple stories that I could share in terms of being bold. That I was. You know I had, uh, the. The word that you know is often used, at least in today's vernacular, is the limiting beliefs to saying, as you mentioned, that you're not worthy to have that or they won't. They won't. The word that is often used, at least in today's vernacular, is the limiting beliefs you mentioned that you're not worthy to have that or they won't say yes or no to you, depending on how that goes and there have been more that have been successful, if I learned that, than I have been unsuccessful Outside your pool hall moment. Is there any big bold story you've got about you in terms of when you've won as a result of being bold and not missed an opportunity, maybe recently?

Speaker 1:

You know, one of the great things that happened to me, and you know, in terms of a life skill for success is to be able to meet anybody you want to meet and have a normal conversation with them, so so that it's a genuine interaction, not just having a selfie or something like that. That's that's a selfie is pretending that you know this person. And so I happen to be on Necker Island, the, the Island in the British Virgin Islands that Sir Richard Branson owned, and sometimes he's there and sometimes he's not. And we were a group of business people that had rented out the island for a week, and on the first day I ruptured my Achilles tendon playing tennis. And so Sir Richard hears about this and he comes over to me and I'm just sitting by the tennis court, I got my leg up, I'm stuck there, and he just says oh, this is such a bother that this has happened to you.

Speaker 1:

Do you happen to play chess? Now the correct answer is I haven't played chess in 40 years. But you know what I said yes, I play chess. So he summons someone to bring a chess board over. We start playing. I am playing such an unorthodox game because I'm remembering how to play as I'm playing him, that I beat him because he can't figure out what the heck I'm doing. So he calls me a really bad name and immediately sets the board up again to play.

Speaker 1:

And then we but we're talking and I'm and I'm and I'm not doing what people do, which is they interview him, they try to tell him about their business and maybe he'd be interested in investing or give them advice and stuff like that.

Speaker 1:

Um, I've talked to him like a regular person. We talked about politics, we talked about all sorts of stuff, and so for the rest of the week he would come find me to play chess and then he would say at dinner there'd be 30 of us at dinner. He would say, Fred, Fred, sit across from me to keep other people from interviewing him, so he could have a normal dinner and a normal, enjoyable conversation. And so that moment of saying yes, let me clear up how significant this was. This is the business person I admire most in the world. Imagine having a chance to have a real series of interactions with the person you admire that much. That's what boldness can do. Bold people don't have an agenda, they just want to see what's going to happen and they're open to anything, because the unexpected has happened so often that they just trust it.

Speaker 2:

Hey listeners, I want to take a quick moment to share something special with you. Many of the topics and discussions we have on this podcast are areas where I provide coaching and consulting services for individuals and organizations. If you've been inspired by our conversation and are seeking a catalyst for change in your own life or within your team, I invite you to visit coachjohngallaghercom forward slash free call to sign up for a free coaching call with me. It's an opportunity for us to connect, discuss your unique challenges and explore how coaching or consulting can benefit you and your team. Okay, let's get back to the show. Fred, you talk about inside even the title of your book from underconfident to charismatic in 90 days. So to be able to do that in 90 days. You're talking about having a system and that you can learn how to do it. So teach, teach us, fred, take us there. What are those skills and how do we get there?

Speaker 1:

So what I did is I figured out how I became bolder and bolder and bolder over decades and I said I have to compress this into a systematic way that anyone can build their boldness muscle, because boldness is a life skill, it is not a personality trait. That's the great myth is you're either bold or not bold. No, you can learn to be as bold as you want to be, from wherever you are, but you have to do it systematically and that's what you want. I was bold a few times in my life, but I didn't know how to summon it when it mattered most. What you have to do is build your boldness muscle steadily so that your default mode is to take bold action. So it's a method I call the pride method, and we don't have time to go through all of it right now, but it's five steps. It's preparing. So you use preparation to prepare yourself for any situation meeting a new person, asking for a raise, raising money for your business, launching the business. So the PRIDE method is an acronym. Preparation is the P. Relaxing is the next method and in the book I talk about how easy it is to relax yourself by playing with your physiology and using your breath. It's very powerful, very quick, and most people have no idea how to do it.

Speaker 1:

Insights is the I, and there are key insights. One of them I talked about never be the one to stop you, and you'll find out how few people will actually stop you. The other is people aren't thinking about you anywhere near as much as you think they are. They're thinking about themselves. So stop worrying about it, stop focusing on it and focus on what matters to you and the people whose opinions should matter to you. So, and there's there's a few more insights in the book, but you have to have this insight that 99% of the time, nothing bad will happen, except unless you decide to label it that way. That's why, when I talk about rejection, rejection is actually a choice to experience it. You don't have to take it on. You have no idea where that rejection actually came from, what was driving that, so don't take it on.

Speaker 2:

You always have to make it up right In terms of going through it. So, yeah, I would love to be able to break down all five. You mentioned relax and kind of teaching techniques. How do you relax in those situations?

Speaker 1:

So the first thing you do is check your physiology, because what we do when we're nervous is we tense up. We'll actually stop breathing if we're nervous enough because apparently, deep in our, our primal protective mode. That was helpful out on the african plane, very unhelpful to deprive yourself of oxygen, right, right, uh. And so if you start to take three deep breaths, really deep breaths, which I do before I go on stage every time, because I want to take any anxiety I have and turn it into energy, and that's what happens, because you settle yourself. And once you relax your physiology and start to take deep breaths, you realize I'm in control of my state and that relaxes you. The fact that you're in control is even more relaxing.

Speaker 1:

And there's even a technique called the Vegas breath, where the Vegas nerve, v-a-g-u-s is a nerve that runs down the center of your body. If you vibrate that with a certain sound, it will affect your autonomic nervous system and relax you very quickly. So this but nobody teaches you that I didn't learn this in high school. I didn't learn this in college. I didn't learn this anywhere. I learned this so many years later. So I was just tensing up and clamming up and not breathing.

Speaker 2:

And all the times you go on stage now, you still get. You still get a little bit nervous. You still use those breathing techniques to get you out there.

Speaker 1:

It's a big. It's a factor of the size of the audience, which is also very interesting. What difference does it make how big the audience is? So that's what I have to tell myself. I'm having a conversation with 5,000 people. It's the same as having a conversation with 50. And so I I. The difference is the way I move on stage and that's all speaking technique.

Speaker 1:

You know, when you understand that, you know there's monitors with you on on screen and things like that and and you got a 60 foot uh screen showing your slides or whatever. But I want to bring my full self to that audience, so I want to capture all my energy and I don't want any of it limited by any level of anxiety. And these will cause anxiety, like the sound guy can't get your mic on right or something like that, and there's all technical difficulties. But I think one of the great things is when you ride through the technical difficulties. They admire you for that. They admire you for your acceptance that that's what happened and just roll with it.

Speaker 1:

You know, I came on stage once with my fly half down and the wire for the mic running through my fly up onto my shirt, and I just said hang on a second. Folks my wires out. And I turn around and and take the wire and rewire myself with the mic and it just like, and then I and they're laughing at me and and, but I'm, I'm laughing with them. It's like this is ridiculous, but this has happened. But it was so rushed backstage they were announcing me while the guy was micing me and it's like, and they're like, well, where's fred? Like give me a second? Um. But when you can do that, you own that audience. Because you said I'm fine with it. I'm not taking on any embarrassment whatsoever. I'm enjoying this just as much as you are. So you don't have to be embarrassed for me, because I'm not embarrassed.

Speaker 2:

I love that. It's so funny. I don't know if I can handle it quite that well, but I got to practice a whole lot more and that's what I sense. Even you think about the uncommon leader. It's doing common things over and over again until they just become part of who you are, and I think that's what it takes even for boldness is. It just takes some action to get you there. And really, again, I love the techniques. I think folks need to kind of pick up a copy of the book and go through that acronym, that pride acronym, and walk through each one of those and learn those techniques and it cause.

Speaker 2:

It can be as simple as standing up in front of that a family reunion and talking to family and still getting that nervous and being bold to go forward, but to to really think about meeting someone that you want to meet and you know you have that moment, that opportunity that gets there, and you clam up when you get beside them and, to your point, you end up taking that uncomfortable selfie and miss an opportunity to build a relationship. So who'd have known that a torn Achilles tendon would have led to that much breakthrough? I want to ask there was one thing in your bio. That I thought was kind of fun. It says you were a question. One of your claims to fame is your question on Jeopardy. Tell me about that one.

Speaker 1:

That didn't take a little while as well. That was totally out of my hands. They, just because I was in my company, was 1-800-DENTIST. That I started with a friend of mine and we ran it for 25 years and so I was in the commercials for about 15 years and so it was. They had a Jeopardy category that was 800 number. So it was Fred Joyle shines his pearly whites in this TV commercial and the quest, the question, is uh, what is one 800 dentist? But I had nothing to do with it.

Speaker 1:

Now the the the bold thing I did do on television was I went on are you smarter than a fifth grader? And I answered. I went for the last question and lost all the money. I went for the $250,000 and didn't even understand the question. But this is okay.

Speaker 1:

So the transformation as you get to super boldness is trying and failing feels better than not trying. Let me say that again Trying and failing will feel better than not trying, because you don't have a regret, you don't have that gnawing at you that you didn't try and you just say, wow, there's some information in here that went really badly or that was unexpectedly unfortunate rather than the outcome I was hoping for, but at least I stepped up and that's. You can live with that and what happens is you'll get bolder, you'll get stronger, you'll increase your comfort zone. That's why one of the D in the pride method is dosage Control the intensity of your venture into your discomfort zone.

Speaker 1:

Don't go leaping, you know, like if you say I want to start meeting people, don't go to a party of 200 people that you don't know. You'll meet nobody. So start talk to talk to somebody in line at starbucks. Start there. And my book is full of those exercises that stage people up from very simple things to you're smiling at a stranger to eventually doing some really crazy stuff. But over time to build your boldness muscle, just like a muscle. You build it gradually, not in giant leap folks, you guys, you hit that stuff.

Speaker 2:

You gotta hit the rewind a couple. But I love that trying and failing transformational moment is trying when trying and failing feels better than not trying at all, and I think you know you hear that and you do.

Speaker 2:

You have to listen to that twice, because regret is a, is a dish that, frankly, is best left unserved. There's no doubt about it. And too many times we get those opportunities and we look back and we're like was, was that? Was that one of those opportunities that I just missed? Uh, to have something happen in my life. That's different. There's a reason that the windshield, uh, is a lot bigger than the rear view mirror. There's no doubt about it. Don't get too busy, keep looking forward. Fred, speaking of looking forward, what do you got going on now? What's next? What's the next book?

Speaker 1:

You know, I think that the next book is similar to Super Bold.

Speaker 1:

I think it's going to be shorter and it's going to be the skills for success, how boldness can enhance every aspect of your Life, and it really talks about how do you meet people, how do you have those conversations with strangers, how do you take the time to build your boldness muscle on a daily basis and with real examples of people saying had I not asked for the money this way from this person, I wouldn't have my business today, had I not given the eulogy for my father when the priest actually said we're not allowing you to speak in church.

Speaker 1:

That would have gnawed at me the rest of my life. So I stepped up. It's people stepping up and not stacking your regrets, and there could be really small things or they could be meeting the partner of your dreams. And I want people to know that life is short and it's too short to let other people decide what you're capable of and and or to blame other people for your unhappiness or to think you're going to get to your dreams tomorrow or the next day or when you have more time. It's going to pass you by. Seize the moments. Don't just seize the day, seize the moments, love that, brett, I've enjoyed our conversation today.

Speaker 2:

I want to honor your time as well. Just as much, I want to know how can folks stay in touch with you. Where do you want me to go to stay in touch with you?

Speaker 1:

The easiest way is BrettJoylecom, that's J-O-Y-A-L. You can find out more about me and my book and you can even download the exercises there if you want, or read the first chapter. The book's available on Amazon in hardcover, kindle and Audible, and it's me reading it, so you get to listen to me driving these points home, to listen to me driving these points home, and if you want me as a speaker, you can request a 30-minute conversation with me right there on the website and we'll see what kind of impact I could have on your team.

Speaker 2:

Love that, fred. I've enjoyed the conversation today, no doubt about it. I hope you have as well. I know folks are going to find value in what you had to say. I'll finish you up with the last question. You may have shared a lot of these already, but let's see what comes out. I'm going to give you a billboard and you can put any message you want to on it to convey to the folks who are listening and others. What's the message you put on that billboard and why?

Speaker 1:

So it's, we've talked about it, but I think I would really want to say never be the one stopping you.

Speaker 2:

How many times do we stop ourselves when we're just one step, one question, one conversation away from greatness in terms of what you're going through?

Speaker 1:

And fun and adventure and satisfaction, fulfillment, just unique experiences. We miss out on so much in life and I don't want that to happen to people and I want them to step up when it matters most, whether it is giving a eulogy, or it's launching that business or meeting that person that they really think might be the mate they've been dreaming of. I want them to step up, I want them to speak up.

Speaker 2:

Thank you, fred. Wish you the best. Hope we can stay in touch, okay, thank you John.

Speaker 2:

Wish you the best. Hope we can stay in touch. Okay, Thank you, John. We will, and that wraps up another episode of the Uncommon Leader Podcast. Thanks for tuning in today. If you found value in this episode, I encourage you to share it with your friends, colleagues or anyone else who could benefit from the insights and inspiration we've shared. Also, if you have a moment, I'd greatly appreciate if you could leave a rating and review on your favorite podcast platform. Your feedback not only helps us to improve, but it also helps others discover the podcast and join our growing community of uncommon leaders. Until next time, go and grow champions.