2 - Tom Carmazzi - Powerful Ways to Overcome Past Challenges

This week's podcast guest is Tom Carmazzi.  Tom is the recently retired CEO of Tuthill Corporation, a privately held Manufacturing company in Chicago.  He is also a great friend, mentor, father and husband.

In this episode, Tom and I have a great conversation about how he was able to overcome a specific challenge from his teenage years and how it impacts who he is today. Tom talks about feedback he used to defeat the challenge and how this story gives him an opportunity to be an even more Uncommon leader today.

You can connect with Tom on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/tomcarmazzi/

Enjoy!

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Transcript

0:25

Hey friends. Welcome back to the uncommon leader podcast is I get the chance each week to interview many leaders and share their stories with you. I always have new takeaways that I have learned and can implement on my leadership development journey. As the CEO of growing champions, my mission is to make a difference with people who want to make a difference. I get a chance to meet leaders at various points on their journey, and I hope their stories add value to you and help you to achieve uncommon success in business and life. Today's podcast. Guest is a personal friend of mine, a former boss. And the retired CEO of corporation. He's a leader who has a phenomenal story to tell about overcoming a challenge from his youth. That still impacts him today. His name is Tom Carmazziand you're going to enjoy this energetic conversation. So let's jump right in.

John 1:12

Hey Tom, glad you're here. Thanks John. It's truly, my pleasure. Are you buckled up? Cause as it says in the intro

Tom 1:20

Strapped in, as I can

John 1:20

be, actually, Well, good.. I'm going to jump right into our conversation today and I'm going to use a question pretty regularly with, with most of the folks who are on the show, but I want to get to know or get the audience to get to know you just a little bit better with regards to your journey. And I'm gonna take you back in time. So. If there was a memory from your child that still has an impact on who you are today, what would that memory be?

Tom 1:52

Yeah, so, so maybe like a lot of folks out there, I have a lot of memories. And when I think about that question, It still affects me today. So gosh, I, I was like a world-class stutterrer and people that hear metalk today, like they don't believe it. It's like, there's no way in heck. And yet from 12 to 16 I stuttered a lot and it was. not onlyembarrassing, but the old made fun of and stuff like that. And then I went to a Catholic school all the way until through high school. Why that's important is the priest would always want me to read, to read one of the readings. So you can imagine, you know, here I am reading one of these readings and I'm stuttering and front of the whole congregation. And so so what I did was I tried to isolate myself. And so I became a really good golfer because golf is a sport that you can just do yourself. It's just you and you andthe course. And so that was my sanctuary. And so I, no exaggeration. I played at least six days a week. I play at least 27 36 holes a day. Wow. It was because I could hide, I could hide. And so how that affects me today is, is first off, I'm real comfortable being by myself. Secondly is I'm a control freak. And that hasn't served me well and served me well at all. And that's, you know, cause I think back to to a stutterer, they want to control the environment. And so I wanted to control the environment. I also knew what words would stick me or make me stutter. And so I made the gash darn sure I didn't do those. And so if I was in conversation, I would try to control the conversation that wouldn't go a certain direction, because if we went that direction, I might start stuttering. So that has stayed with me, John, even, even today, and thinking about speaking today with you, I'm thinking, how can I control this so that, you know, I won't stutter, even though it's not been part of my life for years and years, That little monkey is still sits on my shoulder. And it's, it's scary. Cause I have some memories that are just, are kind of rough when I go back there.

John 4:05

No, I, I, I appreciate you sharing that story. It takes courage to, to share a story like that with regards to those things that impact you. Many, many individuals will have. Things in their childhood where they were affirmed and really positive and to help build them up. But oftentimes it's those negative experiences that we have. Those challenges that we go through and frankly, have to overcome that shape us and put us in a position to be better. Today as individuals, as leaders, as the name of the podcast, really the uncommon leader podcast, understanding, you know, how you felt in that situation. And you know, what I, what I appreciated and chuckle about a little bit, you, you mentioned being a control freak, so you wanted to have that situation. Part of that has the feel of you actually just really repented or, or you gave notice that I am 12 step process. I have to go through. The first thing is always about denial, but going through and admitting that your control freak is, is really a part of the battle. As a leader, as an individual, as an overcomer that you have been okay, what are the things internally only that you had to go through in your journey as a leader, whether it's going back and going through the stuttering situation that you have, but from an internal perspective, what's been there for you and how you've been able to. Address that or other challenges in your development?

Tom 5:37

Yeah, so the internal development was really more about so for me, John, the, the, the stuttering, it originated in my lack of time. And, and, you know, you could ask her where'd that come from, but let's just, let's just so,

John 5:58

so I've got 20 minutes

Tom 6:00

here. So it, one of the things that, you know, in my life has been to ask myself, is it true? Because my nature is to, you know, be really hard on myself and point out, you know, where I failed versus where I succeeded. And so I started asking myself when I would beat myself up about failures. Is, is that true, Tom? Is that true? And so things like stuttering, you know, as I said, from 12 to 16, I was world-class and yet as I, the church, my self-confidence started growing that I would still have that monkey that I'm going to stutter. And so I would start asking me. Is that true. And as I got more successful in the business world, I was asked to speak publicly more and more. And before every one of those, I make up these things back to when I was at the electorate and I was reading one of the passages and I'd be stuttering like crazy. And the people out in the audience are looking at me. Some are shaking, their head friends are laughing. You know, I play that picture and I'm playing that video. Excuse me. And it's like, but is that true top when's the last time that happened to you? And fortunately, John would, it'd be like, oh, probably when I was 16, you know? And so it's, it's that internal really getting comfortable with who I am and. And just continuing to, to test that. I mean, one of the talks I gave was at Notre Dame and and I got there about four hours ahead of time. And the gentlemen that was asking me to speak there was like, Tom, why are you getting there? Like three hours early? And one of my processes was wherever I speak, I have to walk up and down every time. I have to basically walk and sit in various parts of the auditorium. And as part of me getting comfortable and feeling like I'm in control and my wife was with me, it's the first time she'd ever seen me speak. She's like, come, what is this? And, and when I told her why she said, Tom, I haven't heard you stuff. Decades. And like, I know, but this is why I don't Jesus. Is that true? She even asked me, I'm like, wait a minute. Sounds like the question I'm asking myself. But for some reason I didn't have, that's been the situation and I, that will know it's not true. I'm making this up. And she was like, yeah, I don't hear that anymore. I don't think it's who you are. And that kind of scared me because I thought, well, what if I don't prep that? So it's just funny how my mind can be my own worst. Yeah. So back to your question, you know, those internal things, it's really having competence in who I am. I mean, God made me this way for a reason. And can I just trust that? Just trust it and choose it, choose it. Not to run from it, choose it. So Yeah, that's, that's my answer, John. I'm sticking with that

John 8:59

again, the internal component of that, I mean, even as you recognize and bring, bring your faith into that, of understanding that. And for me, when I think of those types of situations, whether it's not the same as stuttering for me, but it's some other stories. You use the question, is that true? No. Oftentimes, am I making this up or is it, or is it actually true? Is it really happening? And to your point, most of the time, if not all of the time, it's not true. And there comes a journey that you go on to where you trust that I don't have to ask that question again. I am curious almost within that, is that true? You went through that process each time you had a routine to prepare yourself to overcome that each time was there a physical fee, you mentioned the monkey on your shoulder as well. Was there a physical feeling that you have, or had maybe you still have it that you became aware of, more aware of as you started to trust more and as you started to. Be more confident that went away, that whether it was a stress reduction in your shoulders, was there truly a physical feeling yet? Cause I can imagine you built up a lot of stress in your body to do that, to go through.

Tom 10:22

So, yeah, John I'm a person would love energy. I've been blessed with that. So know, I don't know who in our audience has kind of the bouncing leg, you know, like you're just sitting there bouncing like crazy. And so there would be that the energy was just flowing. And so whether it was get up and walk around, whether it was the bouncing leg I also, you know, there's this fight or flight. Thing that, you know, that kind of, that Corozal stuff starts falling And so that is in space. I, I would feel a little flush. I didn't really feel nauseous but I would get anxious. You know, and that, you know, c'mon, I can't believe that's another five minutes before I, before I go up. And then it's a lot of people are like five minutes. That's not, for me, it seemed like five days. And so those types of things, as I got more and more confident, you know, I haven't spoken publicly for gosh, a year and a half now. It was really cool. It is that the last couple times I spoke, I would say the, our father. That's all I needed. I was kind of like I'm in I'm ready. I'm calling. And so yeah, no, I,

John 11:34

well, the RFS is definitely much shorter than four hours before and walking every aisle, but I can absolutely understand prayer can be powerful, you know, to know that again, you're where you're supposed to be right at that point in time and make that happen again, part of this is sharing some of those stories and I appreciate you even sharing that journey because. As many times as I present in front of a group, or as I stand up in front of a organizations, leadership team, or some of their, some of the others and front of room speak, there's a certain energy that I get from that. But there absolutely also is the critic that I have to fight all the time. Are you good enough to be standing up in front of this person? I look back to a story that my mom told me. One time when I was little, you, it reminds me of that. And you know, as I grew, and as I started to think about getting into more leadership roles and doing this consulting opportunity, she said, I know that I know the name of your first book. It's why don't you listen to me. You might be surprised. I

Tom 12:49

thought it

John 12:49

was very fascinating because it was about, you know, where she was coming from. She always had the confidence and it was always good to have your mom and dad have the competence or the, those who love you have competence in you, but it was telling me to have confidence. And then I had to say that it was going to have an impact on individuals. So I thought that was very insightful on her. And really exciting to listen through that back to you. I'm really talking to you. I mean, I like sharing my part. It reminds me of different things as we go through this as well. So there, there were two points she touched on with regards to that intern. There's, there's a trust and there's a confidence in. And so again, we have to exercise those muscles in intentionally to have to exercise and keep those. Monkeys off our shoulders all the time. What Reese were they resources or any experience that you had that you could share with the audience that how you developed the internal side of that trust and that confidence? Maybe it was a book or it was a story or experience you had or with someone else? Well, first

Tom 14:02

when a book or a story, it was others. But I do want to go back to something that also helped that I didn't share. And it's that not only would I ask myself, is it true? Is whatever happened in the past, that happened for a reason. And so the stuttering and one of the things that I believe is that it made me a much better, more authentic speaker. Because I was living that when I was up there and Sam corny, but he gave me a story to tell, you know, no that I've makeup. Everyone has their stuttering story. And, and so, so as I thought, you know, this isn't a tragedy to be, okay, this is a gift. That is, it helped me become even stronger. And when I took that perspective, If they say, I, I, I, stuttering is just not been a part of my life. And I think there's that, that's another reason besides is it true? So anyway, I was, I was really blessed John with, with, with people that cared enough about me to tell me how I was showing up. So one of my things is that I'm kind of a binary guy. I really liked him. And so I saw figures before I saw faces and, and I didn't realize that. And so folks were pointed out to me and they would put it without, in, in ways that I would say when I didn't expect it. So they get my attention and there are that even when they would point it out, I still, so maybe, you know, months or years later, but there's a couple of. Quick examples. One is that I was presenting to a union leadership. There are 23 people in the bargaining committee at 2,500 in the total group. And I was telling him I was going to lay off. And so I was going through all these slides and the president of union says, Tom, I get that. You're smart. The problem is we don't think you care. And so, as you can imagine, John, I had all my numbers wired, man, because I was a numbers guy. So those numbers were all spot on. I was so proud of my charts and graphs. And here's this guy says, get your smart, but I don't think you can. And he said it in front of all 23 of them. And that, and that really rocked me. Aye. I really wasn't even a student enough to understand that, even though I thought I cared, it didn't matter. It's how that he feel. And he felt I didn't. And then he said, and to prove the point there's 23 people in this room, and I want you to tell me their names and they'll make it easy to tell me their first names. So now my internal was saying, oh, I care about these people. It's like, Tom, you'll end up three names. Do you really care? So this is what I'm asking myself. Is it true? Yes, it's true. So. And then, and then the other one was a real good friend of mine. And we were sitting at the, at the office and he asked me, he says, you know, Tom, do you think your competitive nature gets, gets in the way? And, and I'm like, man, we're in business. This is a for-profit business. We're gonna win. You know? So what the heck, why do we mask that question? And like this good friend of mine is, you know, when I give some type of what's obvious the answer. Yes. Same question again. Like, no. Do you think your competitive nature gets in the way, do you think our competitors are hoping that we're not competitive? Yes. So let's stay and let's win and he's like, yeah. But what about you winning I'm like, well, yeah, sure. I benefit from that. Absolutely. Yeah. Where are you going with this? I mean, I didn't even know where he was going. Yeah. And he said, well, you know, we just want to be careful that people don't fear. You think they don't fear me. And it's like, I walk away. Well, now let's fast forward a month or a year later. I don't remember how long it was. It was considerable time afterwards. I walked by this person's cubicle. And in there, it's got this little sane on his wall that says, You know, it, it, people don't really remember, remember what you said, they remember how you make them feel. And it was like, oh my God. I mean, really? It was like how clueless I can be. I, it was like, oh my goodness. He's just trying to help. So when I say others, no resources because people, I mean, I'll think of resources. Like I say, a book or something. No, this was, this was faces now helping me with my finger. Yeah. That, that were really because they cared for me were like, Hey, top, top, top, top, whoa, baby, whoa. This is what you're doing. And, and I want to believe that they felt that in my heart, that's not what I wanted to do, but that's how I was conveying. So. Yeah. You know, John, you're bringing a lot of deep breaths.

John 19:03

I love the slow pause, thinking through and understand. And that's really the essence. Again, I've created the podcast. We can talk about leadership topics all day long and actually, you know, I know. You, and I will get a chance to talk again. I can see you coming back on, on regularly and you know, part of that is just, you have so much to share. Our friendship is strong and it should work really well. Part of that is that you're willing to humor me and, you know, just kind of help I'm filling in some spots as we go through also. But that's, that's neither here nor there as we go on this year journey of this podcast together and our own leadership development look forward to it. So let me finish with this, with that, you know, you, again, I've heard trust for confidence. I've heard. Some of the words is takeaways for me today. They've been really big. And to your point, while you mentioned not overcoming that mindset, isn't it? Another one of those words that I am taking away from today, but you know, whether it's, whether it's one of those words or some story I'm gonna, you know, I'm gonna finish this. And then I usually finish all the podcasts with this question to my guests. I'm going to be Atlanta. Airport's one of the busiest in the world most times. No on the other side of travel, being able to travel more as the COVID vaccinations and those changed, but I'm going to give you a billboard right outside the Atlanta airport. You get to put any message you want to on that billboard for a million people to see a day. What's the message on that billboard that you'd want to put,

Tom 20:32

I think I'd say be and trust. Who you were made to be, and, and, and I'd say choose. And the reason I'd say choose is, is I noticed with me and I make up with others. Is that just like I had shared, I didn't trust who I was. I didn't believe in myself. I didn't choose to be me. I chose to be someone else and it isn't until. Recently that I've really been able to truly trust who I am who I was designed to be, who I was created to be. And, and I've, and I've chose that because too many times I've chosen to be someone else. So another persona, especially, you know, gosh, when I was CEO, I mean, I had to be the CEO persona. It's just, it's just not true. It's just not true. And so, yeah, I would I got a picture of this billboard in my head, you know, it's it's black background, white lettering, and it's black. It's just gonna sit in there all of a sudden, boom, these letters come up. And I remember when I said here it's this, this, you know, and, and truly trust who you were created to be and choose that truth.

John 21:53

Absolutely. Well, that's a great finish. That's a great finish. And again, I'm not even going back and edit in some of the pauses or some of that time or the deep breaths. We're just going to leave those in. Cause that's really what the essence of the difference inside of this podcast really is meant to be as what it takes to be uncommon in your leadership and that we need more uncommon leaders. So thank you for your time today. And I look forward to growing with you in the future as well.

Tom 22:25

Hi, John. Thanks so much. Feeling's mutual. I mean, truly, I, I always, always enjoy our time together and to see your face. Thank you. Thank you.

John 22:34

Well, I really hope you enjoyed that interview today with Tom. I sure did. What a gift itwas to hear how Tom was able to overcome childhood challenges. Be aware of when he was putting numbers before names. And really challenge us to trust who we were created to be, and to be that truth. If you enjoyed today's episode, know someone who needs to hear this challenge, I would ask you to go ahead and forward it along to that person. Let them know you want to add value to their life. Also, if you haven't yet, I encourage you to subscribe or follow this podcast on iTunes, Spotify, or whichever platform you use. Or you can go to my website at www.growingchampions.net/podcast. Backslash podcast and subscribe there as well. Until next time go and grow champions.